#19: The 5 Cs of Resilience, A Porcupine Dilemma, and Seneca's Online Dating

Sign Up | Anxiety Course | Meditations 

Welcome, Wisdom Seeker.

Explore thought-provoking themes like wilful ignorance, the art of journaling, Schopenhauer’s parable on human connection, and the essentials of Stoic resilience.

Discover new perspectives on philosophy with unique sections like Seneca's online dating experience and practical tips for handling life’s challenges with understanding and empathy.

In today’s Nous:

• 🙈 Embracing Reality: Confronting Wilful Ignorance

• ✍️ Life's Journal: The Art and Impact of Journaling

• 🦔 Connection Conundrum: Schopenhauer’s Porcupine Dilemma

• 🧰 Resilience Refined: The 5 “Cs” of Stoic Toolbox

• 🤖 Philosophy Meets Modernity: Seneca's Online Dating Adventure

• 👞 Empathetic Steps: Walking in Others’ Shoes

Read time: 8 minutes

Editor’s Picks

PHILOSOPHY PICKS
🏹 Wisdom Arrows

• 🙈 Why do we engage in wilful ignorance? 

  We all engage in wilful ignorance occasionally, from supporting unethical online retailers to ignoring the climate change impact of our diets. Avoiding uncomfortable information may reduce our motivation to engage in altruistic behavior. A new meta-analysis in Psychological Bulletin by Linh Vu and colleagues explores how to encourage more altruistic behavior.

• ✍️ The most important thing you can do every day. 

  Journaling is more than just a pastime or a way to record memories. It is a strategy that has helped successful individuals improve their skills. Whether you are new to journaling or have fallen out of practice, this guide will provide you with everything you need to know to make journaling a valuable activity in 2020 and beyond. You will learn how to journal effectively, the benefits of journaling, famous examples from the past, recommended journals, and more.

• 🦔 The porcupine’s dilemma: Schopenhauer’s wistful parable on human connection. 

  The profound and thought-provoking parable known as "The Dilemma of the Prickly Porcupine" by the renowned German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer delves into the intricate complexities of human connection, shedding light on the inherent challenges that arise when we yearn for intimacy. This poignant tale serves as a reminder that our very pursuit of closeness often leads us to inadvertently distance ourselves from one another, highlighting the delicate balance we must navigate in our quest for meaningful relationships.

Technique Try-Out

STOIC TOOLBOX
🧰 The 5 “Cs” of Resilience

In this week's Stoic Toolbox section, we're diving into something that's super important for all of us – resilience. Think of resilience as a muscle in your body. The more you work on it, the stronger it gets. And just like muscles, everyone, yes you, can build resilience.

Resilience is all about bouncing back from tough times and overcoming challenges. Linda Graham, a family therapist and author, talks about this in her book "Bouncing Back". She introduces five key things – she calls them the Five Cs – that can really help you become more resilient:

1. Calmness: Learning to stay calm when things get tough. It's like being the eye of the storm – everything around you might be chaotic, but you're staying cool and collected.

2. Clarity: Seeing things clearly. This means understanding how you feel about a situation and also seeing the situation itself for what it really is, without any confusion or misunderstanding.

3. Connection: Hanging out with people who care about you and support you. They're the ones who help you out when you need it and show you how to be strong.

4. Competence: Using what you've learned before to handle new challenges. It's like having a toolbox of skills you can pull from whenever you need to.

5. Courage: Being brave enough to keep going, even when things are tough. It's about bouncing back and finding ways to deal with stressful situations, whether that means solving them or just learning to accept them.

Remember, everyone faces challenges – it's a normal part of life. But how we deal with them can really make a difference. And the cool thing is, our brains can learn and grow, especially when we're young. If we're surrounded by love, support, and positive role models, we can develop this resilience muscle even more.

So, by working on these Five Cs – calmness, clarity, connection, competence, and courage – you're not just helping yourself to handle life's ups and downs better, but you're also setting a great example for others, like your friends or family.

I encourage you to consider the following 5 Cs and determine which areas you could focus on the most. Perhaps you can work on managing your emotions and strive to be more calm. If you struggle with anxiety, for instance, you could consider taking a course like Stoic Anxiety Mastery to help ease your mind. However, if your struggle lies in connection, you can prioritize your social life and build social bonds.

Another way to approach the 5 Cs of resilience is by asking yourself the following questions:

• Do you have strategies in place to handle strong emotions and remain calm?

• Do you have methods to help you think clearly during a crisis?

• Do you have a support system you can rely on when you're facing difficulties?

• Are you continuously learning and enhancing your psychological toolkit to handle situations better?

• Do you find ways to make life more manageable even when it's challenging?

Your challenge this week is to try and get the answers to “YES” for each of those questions.

New Ways of Seeing

PHILOSOPHY REMIXED
🤖 Seneca Tries Online Dating

Seneca: "Philosopher, Statesman, Lover of Simplicity. Seeking meaningful connections and deep conversations. Enjoys long walks, contemplating nature, and discussing life's true purpose."

Match: Julia, 29 "Live for the moment! Love travel, parties, and all things luxury. Looking for someone to share adventures and champagne toasts!"

Julia: Hey there! Your profile's interesting. Ever been skydiving? Planning my next jump!

Seneca: Greetings, Julia. I haven't partaken in such activities. I find joy in simpler, grounded pursuits. What do you seek in these daring adventures?

Julia: Just love the thrill! Life’s too short, right? Gotta make the most of it. What do you do for fun?

Seneca: I often stroll through gardens, reflecting on life’s transience. For fun? I ponder the virtues of life and embrace tranquility.

Julia: Cool... I guess? This weekend I’m hitting a VIP party on a yacht. You should come, let loose a bit!

Seneca: I appreciate the offer, but I find that loud gatherings disrupt the peace of the mind. I prefer quieter, introspective evenings.

Julia: Oh, come on! Don’t you ever want to just forget all that heavy stuff and have a blast?

Seneca: True joy, Julia, comes from understanding and accepting life’s ebb and flow, not from fleeting external pleasures.

Julia: Hmm... sounds a bit boring to me. I love the energy of the city, the nightlife. Don’t you like excitement?

Seneca: My contentment lies in simplicity and inner peace. The constant noise and bustle of city life are distractions from true self-reflection.

Julia: I guess we’re pretty different. I can’t imagine life without a bit of luxury and excitement.

Seneca: Indeed, our paths in life seem divergent. You seek external excitement, while I seek inner peace. Both are valid, yet distinctly separate journeys.

Julia: Well, good luck with your garden walks and thinking. I’ll stick to my champagne and skydives!

Seneca: Farewell, Julia. May you find happiness in your adventures.

(Better luck next time, Seneca.)

Turning Theory Into Skill

STOIC CONTEMPLATION
👞 Walking in Their Shoes

When someone treats you badly, try to understand that they may think their actions are justified. They might not know any better or have different priorities. Maybe someone they trusted influenced them.

If you think about it, you can probably imagine a situation where you might act the same way. We are all shaped by our past and who we are. But now, you have the ability to see things objectively and from someone else's perspective. Instead of focusing on your hurt feelings or minor setbacks, try to see the other person's struggles and confusion. You have the power to choose how you react.

Here’s the 5-step process to put this into practice:

1. Think of a Time Someone Upset You: Remember a time recently when someone did something that made you really angry or upset. It could be anything – maybe someone was rude to you, or they didn't do something they were supposed to.

2. Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Now, pretend you are that person for a moment. Ask yourself, "Why did they do that?" Think about what might have been going on in their head. Did they think they were doing the right thing? Were they confused or maybe didn't know a better way to act?

3. Consider Their Background: Everyone grows up differently and learns different things. Maybe this person didn't learn the same things you did. Maybe they were trying to do what they thought was best, but they just didn't know a better way.

4. Feel a Bit of Kindness: Instead of staying mad, try to feel a little bit of kindness for them. They might be struggling with things you don't know about. Imagine if you were in their place, with their experiences, you might have done the same thing.

5. You Choose How to React: Remember, you get to choose how you react. You can stay mad, or you can understand them a bit more and let go of your anger. You're the lucky one because you know how to think about things this way.

Doing this helps you not get so upset when people do things you don't like. It's like a secret power – understanding people better and not letting your feelings get hurt so easily.

Try this out this week when someone does something that bothers you. See how it makes you feel. You might just find yourself feeling happier and more understanding.

Off The Troden Path

THIS WEEK
📆 Self-Improvement To-Do List

 ✅ Watch: An animated homage to a TED talk by Ethan Hawke called “Give yourself permission to be creative”, adjusted to conform to the alternative title of “Give yourself permission to practice philosophy.” Check it out here. 

✅ Read: The book I'm currently enjoying is "The Little Book of Being" by Diana Wilson. It falls under the category of meditation/spirituality books. This guide provides a down-to-earth approach to all aspects of meditation, covering both the fundamentals and the advanced techniques.

✅ Be Honest: I had a conversation with honesty coach Dan Munro to discuss his book "The Naked Truth." The purpose of this dialogue is to motivate you to embrace your true self completely. Listen to the conversation here.

All Things End

THE RESERVE CLAUSE
🔥 Friend of Wisdom

Thank you for joining me in this issue of The Nous. Feel free to reply and share your thoughts. I read all the comments!

Also, please make suggestions about what you’d like to see more of and what you’d like to see less of.

Periodically, I will send a round-up of the best content for easy navigation. Rest assured, you'll still receive in-depth Stoic breakdown posts and the content you cherish.

Looking to support The Nous and educate others on Stoicism?

Simply forward this post to a friend.

Thank you for reading. As Stoics, we understand that the future is uncertain, so let's say, "I will be in touch soon, fate permitting!"

Jon