#25: The Formula for Emotional Regulation

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Welcome, Virtuous One.

Discover fresh insights into Stoicism's principles while unlocking transformative tools for emotional regulation and mindfulness.

From playful philosophy to parenting wisdom, this edition offers a holistic approach to well-being, growth, and the joy of lifelong learning.

In today’s Nous:

1. 🏹 Philosophy Picks: Delve into Kant's Imperative, playful Stoicism, and the power of mindfulness.

2. 🧰 Stoic Toolbox: Learn Dr. Becky's AVP formula for emotional regulation.

3. 🤖 Philosophy Remixed: Explore Stoicism's storied history told in the whimsical style of Roald Dahl.

4. 📕 Parenting Progress: Ignite a love for reading in children with "The Twits" and "Warrior Kid."

5. 🌊 Level Up Your Praxis: Master anxiety with Stoic teachings blended with neuroscience and CBT.

Read time: 8 minutes

Editor’s Picks

PHILOSOPHY PICKS
🏹 Wisdom Arrows

🤝 Kant’s Imperative. One of Kant's formulations of the Categorical Imperative emphasizes the importance of treating others not solely as a means to an end, but as ends in themselves. This principle becomes particularly significant in a world dominated by commerce, where we often tend to view others as mere instruments for our own purposes. Watch here.

🕹️ The Playful Stoic. Based on Ridge's (2021) paper about competitive games and Stoicism. In order to avoid stress and anxiety, you should detach yourself from what you can't control. Focusing on your performance, and not on winning, is the key to getting into the flow state. Watch here. 

🧘 The 4 Most Important Mindfulness Tools. In this podcast, I explore the deep, transformative power of mindfulness and meditation beyond routine practices. We discuss how integrating mindfulness into every aspect of our lives can extend the benefits beyond the meditation cushion, influencing our health, relationships, and overall well-being. Listen here.

Technique Try-Out

STOIC TOOLBOX
🧰 The Formula for Emotional Regulation

Instead of avoiding emotions that we would rather not confront, Dr. Becky explains that we should remind ourselves to allow emotions like fear, anger, or sadness to be experienced when they arise and not perceive them as something dangerous that we need to escape from.

In Good Inside, Dr. Becky presents a three-step practice for managing our emotions called AVP—Acknowledge, Validate, Permit:

1) Acknowledge: When feelings arise, acknowledge and label them. For example: "I am noticing anxiety right now."

2) Validate: Respect your feelings and recognize that they hold some truth for you. Remind yourself why you may be feeling this way, such as, "My boss yelled at me and then my friend canceled our dinner plans; it makes sense that this day feels rough."

3) Permit: Dr. Becky suggests, "Give yourself permission to experience your feelings in whatever way they manifest... Tell yourself, either aloud or internally, 'I have full permission to feel like life is hard,' or 'I am allowed to feel exactly as I do.'"

Dr. Becky explains that many of us constantly question whether our feelings are valid or if we are overreacting. These signs of self-doubt indicate that "at some point, our own experiences were met with invalidation, isolation, or attempts to convince us that our feelings were not valid."

Fortunately, she assures us that it is never too late to rewire our thinking: "The human brain is remarkably adaptable and can rewire, unlearn, learn again, and change."

The advice Dr. Becky offers to parents can also be applied to how we can lovingly and effectively nurture our own inner child. Our wise, mature self can consistently send the same message to our frightened inner child that Dr. Becky recommends giving to the children we care for—messages that promote self-compassion and self-trust:

"It is okay to be yourself right now. Even when you are struggling, it is okay to be yourself. I am here with you, just as you are."

New Ways of Seeing

PHILOSOPHY REMIXED
🤖 The Stoics History by Roald Dahl

I’m currently reading a lot of Roald Dahl books at the moment with my son, which I discuss more in the next section. I was wondering what a history of Stoicism would sound like according to Roald Dahl. Enjoy.

In a bustling marketplace of ancient Athens, where bakers juggled hot loaves and merchants haggled over fine silks, a shipwrecked sailor named Zeno stumbled ashore, his eyes twinkling with an idea. He wasn’t searching for gold or glory, oh no! Instead, he was determined to unlock the secret to a calm mind, unshaken by life’s wildest storms.

You see, Zeno had heard tales of a peculiar porch, painted in vibrant colors and humming with the chatter of the wisest minds in Greece. They called it the Stoa, and there, amid the fluted columns and the scent of olive oil, Zeno shared his vision. “To live well,” he said, “one must learn to accept fate, while mastering one’s desires and fears.”

Soon, a chorus of curious citizens gathered, leaning closer as Zeno conjured tales of a disciplined mind. “Imagine a man as unbending as an oak in a gale,” he said, “one who meets misfortune with a grin and keeps joy on a tight leash.” The crowd listened with furrowed brows but slowly began to nod. Zeno’s teachings felt as reassuring as a snug wool cloak on a frosty morning.

From then on, the porch became a magnet for all sorts of thinkers and dreamers. Zeno’s students—Chrysippus, Cleanthes, and a whole host of others—soon began weaving their own stories of wisdom. They’d tell tales of a grand universe ruled by reason, where even the trickiest twists of fate were guided by a cosmic conductor. “And virtue!” they would proclaim, “Virtue is the only ticket to happiness, for it is within our grasp and no fortune can snatch it away.”

Generations later, the Stoics found a new home in Rome, where their philosophy grew into a sprawling oak. Seneca, the sage of the Roman court, would mutter maxims while scribbling letters to his friends about the art of tranquility. “Keep your head,” he’d write, “for the mind can forge its own chains or break free to soar.”

Epictetus, a freed slave with a wooden crutch and a wry smile, set up shop in a little classroom. He’d urge his students to find freedom not in gold or silk, but in shrugging off the chains of anger and envy. “Who can harm a soul that needs no more than itself?” he’d ask, twirling his crutch.

And then came Marcus Aurelius, a noble emperor who, between battles and bureaucratic brouhahas, would pen nightly notes to himself in his leather-bound journal. “Be like the rock,” he’d jot down, “against which waves continually break, but which stands firm and unmoved.”

Time twirled along its merry way, and the Stoa’s stories spread across the ages. They survived library fires, medieval castles, and the Industrial Revolution, bouncing through the world like a rubber ball, finding their way into the hearts of poets, soldiers, and ordinary folk alike.

Today, the Stoic spirit still flickers, like a cozy lamp on a wintry night. People draw on its warmth, finding solace in its simple tales: that fate can be faced with a steady mind, that kindness costs nothing, and that the key to calm lies in embracing the dance of life as it comes.

Parenting Progress

THE SCHOOL OF LIFE
📕 The Twits & The Way of the Warrior Kid

My son is about five and a half years old, and I have always read to him. However, we usually stick to shorter stories like the works of Julia Donaldson, such as "Room on the Broom," "The Gruffalo," and "The Smartest Giant in Town."

He has also enjoyed books by Dr. Seuss, like "The Grinch" and "Cat in the Hat." Lately, though, he seems to have lost interest in reading, finding it "boring." Therefore, I decided to introduce him to slightly more advanced material that reflects his age and interests. Instead of reading short stories, we have started reading full books.

In the past month, we have finished Jocko Willink's "The Way of the Warrior Kid," which is set to be turned into a movie starring Chris Pratt, and Roald Dahl's "The Twits." I then purchased a 15-book set by Roald Dahl, and we are currently working our way through "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

Reading with your children is a wonderful activity that helps them think differently, introduces them to new words and sentence structures, and strengthens the bond between you.

The key here is that change is always happening, and you can either resist it or adapt and think outside the box. My son's dislike for reading became the catalyst for me to find new ways to help him develop a love for reading like never before.

What stands in the way becomes the way.

Level Up Your Praxis

COURSE
🌊 Stoic Anxiety Mastery

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Off The Troden Path

THIS WEEK
📆 Self-Improvement To-Do List

 ✅ Summer Music: Spotify recently shared with me a selection of songs that I listened to during the summer of 2016. This period was quite significant in my life as I did a lot of traveling. If you're interested in discovering new music, feel free to give it a listen.

✅ Tom Cruise: In 2005, Tom Cruise appeared on Oprah Winfrey's show and unexpectedly expressed his love for Katie Holmes by jumping on a sofa. This incident became well-known and showcases how intense emotions can mislead us, despite providing temporary satisfaction. Watch the video here.

✅ Tidy: I was searching for quality books on housekeeping and tidying, and to my surprise, there weren't many available. However, I did come across an exceptional book called "The Organized Mum Method" which I have been thoroughly enjoying. The author, Gemma Bray, does an excellent job of organizing housework into 30-minute daily focus sessions on weekdays.

✅ Lift: Resistance training is an excellent activity for improving both your physical and mental well-being. Personally, I find it highly advantageous to follow a structured lifting routine, as it relieves me from the burden of planning my workouts on a daily basis. Therefore, I rely on Dr. Layne Norton's workout builder for my exercise regimen. This program effectively enhances intensity over time, offers various workouts tailored to different lifestyles, and provides video demonstrations for each exercise. Check it out here.

All Things End

THE RESERVE CLAUSE
🔥 Friend of Wisdom

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Thank you for reading. As Stoics, we understand that the future is uncertain, so let's say, "I will be in touch soon, fate permitting!"

Jon